random thoughts

I don't care about Ricky Martin's twin sons. Anyone want to form a class action law suit for the "emotional distress" caused by this headline?

Cooper got some burs stuck in his fur last night, and decided to eat them. He was then dry heaving / coughing ... poor little guy ... such a small brain ... like father, like son.

We've decided not to talk to people who have ever had anything to do with pregnancy. That includes our parents.

This was a really nice comment:

I'm so sorry, I thought this was going to be it as well. You guys hold on tight to each other.

When my husband and I were trying and it wasn't happening, he told me that God would not put the desire in your heart to be a parent if he wasn't going to come through with it. I tried to remember that. Surely enough, His timing was perfect.

I know it's hard to find solace in the words of someone who is on the other side of the tracks now, but I pray that you have peace in your hearts and remember that God's promises are true. He would never lie.

Thanks for that kjames106

Really disappointed

That last post was factual - she started, exactly on the day that we were supposed to call the office. Amazing how regular her cycles are. And amazing how disappointed I am. I know, I know - I was getting all proclaimy and cocky about a month ago - it was somewhat sarcastic, but it was mostly sincere - I had a really good feeling about our odds this month. Clearly that doesn't matter. So - our dilemma remains the same - I want my wife to get pregnant. I have sex with her. But she doesn't get pregnant. Doctors test her blood and look at her anatomy with ultrasonic equipment. And it still doesn't work. I've masturbated into no less than 10 plastic cups. Nothing. Young girls at front desks have taken my samples to back rooms, spun them around in circles, added some purple die, then inserted said medium into my wife - a lot! And no dice.

We're going to try another IUI this month, now that the hope is utterly and completely gone - after that, we're going to talk with the Dr. to determine next steps. We're thinking we may have come full circle with IVF again. How exciting for us.

Not this month

Merry Christmas. My wife started her period today. Did yours? Well that's nice - what's that you say? You're pregnant again? Oh, congratulations. How nice for you.

Oh, what's that? You want me to congratulate my sister who just had her second baby yesterday? Okay - I'll be sure to let her know. Oh - and yes, I will tell her that you think her other son is so cute, and that you feel bad for her having to manage two children. You're right - it must be really difficult. But yes, I'm sure she's soooo happy to not be pregnant anymore - she looked so uncomfortable!

Yes, I heard about the two cousins who happen to be sisters who are pregnant with due dates 4 days apart. That's really exciting news - really happy for them. And yes, I heard about the other cousin who had a "vanishing twin", but remains nice and pregnant with her second child. Going to be great when all those kids are running around at family functions, isn't it? I'm thinking of buying a nice pair of soccer cleats, or some spears for those occasions ... oh, you couldn't hear me? Sorry, it was nothing anyways - never mind. When are we going to start trying? Oh, you know - we'll get there soon I'm sure ... we'll keep you posted, douche bag.

Get'n ready

December 9th is the date we're counting down to - 5 days away. In recent weeks, 6 little follicles squirted their eggs into my wife's reproductive organs, to meet an angry mob of centrifugally selected, zombie-headed, tangled up sperm (mine) Somewhere in the dark we're hoping at least a pair of them combined, and that they have since embedded into the plush, downy, progesterone-fueled uterine lining. Sounds cozy in there. If I were an egg, I'd probably give one of my sperm a shot, out of sympathy, and due to a lack of a better option.

It should be noted that this batch of sperm were manufactured on German soil. No doubt this resulted in a highly precise, intelligent, demanding team of tacticians with a complete and absolute lack of sense of humor. They will march into the uterus and drive straight into the egg, but will likely go right through the other side, through the wall of the uterus to fulfill bigger ambitions, moving towards the heart or brain instead (much more strategic pieces of anatomical real estate)

There have been no funny signs or symptoms this month. We're past all of that anyways - we're too experienced to fall victim to falsely raising our hopes due to a sore nipple here, or discharge there. We just roll calmly ahead, with a sliver of hope, and a mountain of doubt, preparing for the trend to be continued. We're hopeful though (after all, I've guaranteed a pregnancy this month ... next month, I will proclaim the certainty of failure, then the month after that I will predict something in between) But really, we have reason to be optimistic about our next 4 months, given our post-endo status, detection of 6 mature follicles, and progesterone supplementation.

If it doesn't work, at least I'll be home for the holidays. I'm in the final 1.5 weeks of my German project. It has been the longest 3 months on record - and I miss my wife, and Cooper terribly. Being home will more than offset another failed month ... but it would also amplify the excitement of finally breaking through. I hope that it's the latter, and not the former. What a sweet Christmas it would be ...

Thanksgiving

It's 4:00 a.m., Eastern time - 10:00 a.m. where I am. The day after Thanksgiving. My wife is in line at Kohl's, with her sister, joining the hordes of Black Friday shoppers. She's never done it before, and I think it's sort of funny / crazy that she's actually out there.

Update on our progress: None - my wife is just taking progesterone supplements, vaginally, until December 9th. She also gave herself another shot yesterday (same stuff as used for the trigger, which supposedly further elevates levels of progesterone) So, it's wait and see some more.

Everything that follows is unrelated to fertility, and purely editorial.

I spent my Thanksgiving working, in Germany. Not an ideal way to spend the holiday, but really all I missed was my wife, and my dog. We talked on the phone a bit about Thanksgiving dinner, and why it's such a big deal. We agreed that it really isn't that big of a deal ... here's why: Turkey is not good. It is boring, and when you really think about it, it tastes bad. At least some parts of it do (i.e. white meat) If you eat just a piece of white turkey meat, and judge it's flavor subjectively, you'll likely say it doesn't taste good. Turkey's place in the food chain is that of a low fat alternative to better meats, like beef and pork - it's a filler. To use it as the focal point of the most overindulgent meal of the year is sort of stupid, and inefficient. All sorts of effort is spent on creating a supporting cast to prop up the dead weight focal point that is the turkey. Stuffing, gravy and cranberries are only there to make the turkey worth eating. Give me a cheeseburger any day.

Or maybe this is just a way for me to feel better about not being there - tune in this time next year to hear my rant about how Thanksgiving dinner is the greatest meal ever.

Wishy washy, I am.

The Counts

Sample of 75 million sperm with 60% motility.

My dear wife had a good deal of cramping on the morning of our procedure - we think it was the follicles being fired from ovary to uterus. We speculated that, given our luck, two follicles were probably emitted at the same time, one from each ovary. The follicles, having been emitted at near light speed would then collide in her uterus causing a firey explosion, taking out all sperm in the surrounding area. My wife's uterus was likened to a cyclotron.

Or maybe the eggs tumbled gently down into position where finally, after 2+ years of doing this dance, they managed to coordinate with their sperm partners. Babies!

Final day is December 9th - that's the day when we should call the office if flow has not started (down there)

Follicles - Part 3

The office called - protocol is as follows:

Trigger shot administered at 7:00 p.m. tonight - this poses a dilemma as my wife has class at that time, which will require her to slip into a bathroom at precisely 6:58, and self-administer the shot. She has completely melted down in past attempts at giving herself shots and the timing of this one, being critical, allows no margin for melt downs. I volunteered to drive to where she is to give her the shot in my car (which would kind of be like a quickie, right?) but she is pledging to be strong and do it on her own. I love that girl.

Tomorrow we abstain, then Saturday morning we go into the office to frollick with cups (me) and to have have a baster thrust unto thee (wife)

There are 6 follicles that should be at or about the size we need them to be. The lady on the phone told my wife that if it results in multiples we might have to have a discussion about terminating one or more. I say the hell with that ... the real decision is just to pick which channel we want our TV show to be on.