Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Joining the Fray

My wife and I recently finished our first IVF cycle - and FAILED! We've been pretty upset, lost, confused, broke, (insert any and all appropriate descriptors here) Following the news of our negative pregnancy test, I dove into the blogging world to learn more about the IVF process (something I should have done before our first cycle), to research doctors and to find others who have gone through the same thing. I've been very impressed with the quantity and variety of blogs available on the subject, but have noticed the vast majority of these blogs are authored by women. I've been going home every night to tell my wife about the things I've read on my "IVF Girl's" blogs, and figured a male perspective was in order - the comfort we've taken from reading these blogs, knowing we're not alone has been welcomed, and spreading that philosophy from the eyes of a husband can't hurt. I'm sure there are other guys out there who have done this already, so I'm not claiming some novel idea here, but figured I'd give it a shot. So, let's get into a bit about my wife and I ...

I'm opting to remain anonymous out of respect for those family members who we have not yet told about our trials in infertility. You don't care who we are anyways - you DO care about who our doctor is, why our cycle failed and most importantly, that we FAILED (I'm convinced there are few people who read these types of blogs who've been successful with IVF - you want to hear about how much this process sucks for us, just like it sucks for you ... if not, you're probably in the wrong place)

We live in metro Detroit, and have done our first cycle with Doctor S. out of IVF Michigan (Ann Arbor office, other than the harvest / transfer, which is done in Rochester Hills) Overall, Dr. S. has been pretty cool - he's obviously a busy man (i.e every time we've been to his office we've waited at least 15 minutes past our appointment time to see him, and IVF Michigan blows away all other clinics in the area in number of cycles conducted) He's obviously a wealthy man (drives a sweet Mercedes crossover ... why not a domestic vehicle, given his proximity to Detroit??? That's another topic.) ... and he's Catholic, which is, somehow, important to us. He gave us a sense of extreme confidence during our initial consultations. My wife is young at 27 years old, and I'm not that old either at 29. We tried for a little over one year to conceive by natural means with no success. During that time it seemed every single one of my wife's coworkers got pregnant on their first or second attempts (even the old ones) This made for many conversations where my wife would come home crying or hating those friends of hers who were pregnant - something to this day I still don't understand. If they're your friend and they are happy, why would you be mad at them for achieving something they want very badly? I read some books that said this is a common misunderstanding amongst husbands of women who are dealing with infertility, so since it's in a book, I'm free to run my mouth about it!

Well, before long we grew frustrated and decided to seek medical help. Before we knew it we were wacking off into cups, jabbing my wife with needles, and preparing our finances to go through this procedure that most people never think about, or even know about (other than vague recollections of the phrase "test tube babies" from the news in the early 80s) We completed our first IVF cycle in October 2007, and got the unfortunate news that we were unsuccessful. We were shocked. Given our age and the ultra-positive prognosis from Dr. S., we didn't think it was even remotely possible that IVF wouldn't work. Now, we're trying to figure out where to go from here. First stop: Get a puppy - this has kept us distracted, and has given us reason to smile while we choose our next steps.

Anyway, I wanted to commence the blog with a short intro - I intend to write a bit more as time allows, including more on our background and the changes we've had to make in our lives to accommodate and plan for the IVF process. What you need to know right now is this: We've tried IVF one time, were unsuccessful, immediately got a puppy to compensate, are getting no sleep because the dog likes to poop and pee in his crate (and eat it), are considering bypassing a second round of IVF and going straight to adoption, are still a little shocked that we're even going through this, and are amazed at the amount of other people who are going through the same thing. It is difficult. It sucks. But we'll get through it, and I'm hoping the posts on this site can lend a little comfort to those who are in the same boat, or are about to climb aboard. I'm convinced this process looks a little different through a husband's eyes, and I intend to share that perspective in the weeks / months / (hopefully not) years ahead.

1 comment:

Me said...

There is certainly a dearth of male perspectives in the blogosphere. VERY late welcome. :)