Thursday, May 28, 2009

Last One

HAS BEEN A VERY LONG TIME SINCE I WROTE - here's one final post on where we are, and where we're going.

We have officially kicked off the process for adopting a child from Korea. We have chosen an agency in Troy, MI (who shall remain nameless as we're told they're not crazy about the concept of blogging) We submitted the pre-application ($50), then the formal application ($500), then the $2,000 required to get the home study started. So far it has been pretty straight forward - they sent us a big pack of paperwork to fill out - we promptly applied our script and prose, and sent it back. Data requested included financial information (assets, liabilities, income, etc.), health records (for which we had to have complete blood work and physicals, which entailed a young male doctor handling me roughly about the private parts, again ... seriously, do doctors really have to be so interested in junk all the time?), reference checks (which are currently in process), biographies, a questionnaire on why/how we will be good parents, and a few other odds and ends. We are now waiting for our social worker to contact us to get the home study process rolling. So far, the process has been pretty straight forward and painless.

Along the infertility highway, we heard a lot of folks talk about the point we are at, and the relief associated with just giving up on the whole baby-making concept. I'll tell you that they were right - we haven't looked back since we made the decision to adopt, and it feels pretty damn good. A burden has been lifted, we have a sense of calm and peace with things, and we're no longer worried about what the next cycle will, or will not bring. I only wish we had made the decision sooner. I have steered clear of this blog in an effort to put the past behind us, and I intend to steer clear of it in the future. We're moving forward, and we're happy about it. We'd like to put the past on the shelf for a while, and leave it behind.

We still get a lot of "I know someone who adopted and found out they were pregnant right before they got their referral", which is annoying, but sort of comical because everyone who tells you that thinks they are so clever - they have good intentions, but yeah, we've heard it like 200 times. Across the board, however, our news has been greeted with extreme delight from everyone we've shared it with. When you tell someone you are in the process of adopting a baby from Korea, it almost always catches them by surprise before they respond with a very sincere "That's really cool - great for you guys." Seriously - people dig it when you plan to adopt from Korea. We expect a similar result after we actually have our baby - we will forevermore be those two white people walking down the street with a Korean baby, and most intelligent people will think "They must have adopted - how nice." And we will walk down the street knowing that we are two white people who adopted from Korea, and we will think "We adopted - how very nice indeed."

Thanks to everyone who has read this lame blog ... I've enjoyed your comments and support. And to those of you who are still in the running to overcome infertility, I with you good luck, but recommend you relax and realize that the worst possible outcome really isn't that bad after all - my wife and I are an example of that. Besides, we would welcome you to the club - we will need help saving all the South Korean babies from that crazy Kim Jon-Il son-of-a-bitch ...

... and that's the line with which I end the blog "IVF - A Husband's Perspective"

19 comments:

Heather said...

I will miss reading you here. I hope your adoption process is swift and you have your baby soon. I'm very excited for you guys!

birdsandsquirrels said...

Thank you for posting with an update. I will also miss reading your posts, but I am so happy to hear that you are calm and at peace with deciding to move forward with adoption. Best of luck with the adoption process, and thank you for sharing your experiences here!

Jill, Mommy of Tanner and Josie, our Clomid baby. :o) said...

:o( to no more posts but YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY to adopting! WOOT!

Best wishes to you both! SO EXCITING!!!!

Anonymous said...

I wish you the best of luck. After 8 miscarriages, we traveled the adoption road, although domestic. We now have 2 beautiful kids...I wish we would have done so sooner.

For those who say you will get pregnant after you adopt or accept a referral, I always used to snidely say I didn't know adoption was the cure for infertility...they usually quit after that, not knowing what to say.

Good luck with your new journey.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

I'm glad you've reached a 'peace'. That's all we can really ask for.

The very best of luck with the adoption process, I'm sure you'll both make great parents.

Hope to hear from you in some form or other.

From this side of the fence, best of luck.

Anonymous said...

I was so glad to read this post... your attitude is great! As an adoptive parent, I can attest to the complete and utter joy that our daughter brings us every day... and she's only been home for about 7 months! It just gets better and better... best of luck to you both! (...er, THREE!) So exciting, indeed!

Infertility is Hard said...

I will so miss your blog. I've enjoyed following it and you have given me a sense of peace. You are SO damn right!

If the worst possible outcome is that we will need to adopt, than we all should feel pretty good about that.

I wish you and your wife the best of luck with all of this!

Lisa said...

I so wish the very best of luck to you and your wife as you move forward with building your family!!

Orodemniades said...

Aw, that's great! I hope the process goes quickly and smoothly.

I hope we get an update when the baby arrives!

Infertility is Hard said...

Oh, and isn't Kim Jong-Il the ruler of North Korea? ;-)

Joe said...

Yes - Kim Jong-Il is the head to North Korea, but he's trying to pick a fight with South Korea (and the U.S., and everyone else)

itsazooaroundhere said...

It's wonderful to read your update, and hear the excitement in your voice (words) about the adoption. Wishing you all the best on this new path. I'm so happy for you and your wife, and your future child(ren). Congratulations!!

Smoochie said...

God I miss you blogging! please keep us updated. I've very happy for you two. I wish you nothing but the best of luck, love, and happiness.

Vic said...

Good luck and all the best.

Adoption - A Husband's Perspective coming soon?

Elly said...

I'm not sure if you're still checking comments: I hope so. I came across your blog via a link on The Stirrup Queens. I am a PhD student at the University of Derby, UK, and I am conducting research about infertility from the perspective of the people who have gone through it. I would like to include some excepts from your blog in my analysis and potentially in my thesis, too. Would you be willing to give me permission to do this?

Hopefully you can see my email address on this comment, so do contact me if you have any questions or would like to know more about the study. Otherwise I think I should be pinged an email if you respond to this comment. Thanks for taking the time to read this,

Elly
PS we adopted domestically just over a year and a half ago. Good luck with your journey, I hope it is swift.

Joe said...

Elly - by all means, please use the material in any way you want - and best of luck with your research ... please post a comment if/when you are published (would love to read about it)

FYI - our home study has been sent to Korea ... we're awaiting our referral - wounds from IVF have healed nicely, but there are some scars there.

Elly said...

Thank you very much, I really appreciate that. I will let you know (if you are willing to send me an email address I can email you a short summary: ellyphillips@gmail.com, once I complete my thesis). If I quote anything from your blog I will make sure it is anonymous, so I'll change any identifying details.

Good luck with the adoption. I found it amazingly healing to start on that process, but there are still scars for me, too (hope you don't find that too depressing!). But that is separate to being a parent, which is entirely worth everything, now we have the most perfect son in the world, ever ;)

Jules said...

Hi, Joe. Ran across your blog while in my second battle with IF. First one ended with an adoption of a son from Korea. Nice reading the husband's perspective, but sorry that you and your wife endured IF. I've found that most of the IF pain fades, especially when you meet your little one for the first time. Wishing you peace as you reach the culmination of your adoption journey, which is not without its own risks and anxieties.

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