My wife can't figure out what to get me for Christmas, and I really can't give her any ideas since I already have everything I need or want. So, let's brainstorm ... and you IVF girls can probably use some of this for ideas for your husbands.
An ideally packed stocking, in my world, would contain:
-Kodiak (that's chewing tobacco for those of you not in the know)
-Scotch (Obon, or a $50 - $100 bottle of anything else)
-Cigars (I don't smoke them because of my asthma, but I wish
-Snickers (arguably the best candy bar in production)
-Gum (just to fill space, and to repair damage from Kodiak and Scotch)
-Rubik's cube? (I just got one of these, but have enjoyed it immensely ... I'm sure a lot of other guys would too)
-Nerf dart gun (to shoot dog with)
-Nerf basketball hoop (no wife would allow their husband to put one of these up in the house, but it would be cool if they did)
-Tickets to MSU basketball game (or alma mater of your choice)
-One free pass to drop husband and his brother off at the bar, and pick up at closing time without commenting on stupid comments or scent of husband and brother, while promising to laugh at jokes
-Nintendo Wii (these are impossible to find, and might make a tight fit in a stocking, but I want one ...)
-Nintendo DS Lite (all guys should have one of these as there are a ton of old school games available for it ... and if they're embarrassed to say it, shame on them)
That's all I can think of ... apologies to my wife for a lack of ideas, but I'm sure she'll come up with something good - she always does.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Opportunity Costs
Our first round of IVF cost us about $12,000. For us, that is a lot of money. Considering that most couples can achieve a pregnancy for free, this makes for 12,000 painful reminders of the situation we are in. It's hard not to wonder what might have been ... instead of IVF you could afford to buy (revealing some interests of my wife and I along the way):
-$121,000 after 30 years (assumes 8% annual return on investment)
-3 7-day trips for two to all-inclusive Jamaican resort
-5 Precor Treadmills
-1/3 of a BMW 3-series
-1/3 annual tuition to top business school
-1/4 to 1 child via adoption (depending on cost of adoption, country, etc.)
-One hell of a shopping spree for my wife
-40 Cairn Terrier puppies
-Sell your house for even bigger loss
-2 sets of stainless steel kitchen appliances (fridge, stove, dishwasher)
-Two rooms of Pottery Barn furniture
-5 50" High Definition plasma televisions
-12 Nintendo Wiis
-6 iMacs
I'm using my year end bonus and some of our savings to cover round 2, but to make up the difference we are making a number of other sacrifices. For starters we are going to defer purchase of new vehicles. I'm driving a 2001 Ford Explorer Sport, and my wife a 2004 Dodge Stratus. Both are decent vehicles that run well, but mine has over 100k miles on it and my wife's is pushing 40k. We could theoretically make it another 5 years before there is a need to purchase a new car. It would be nice to get something newer now, but we have financial realities to deal with.
We're continuing to max out our 401(k) and Roth IRAs. This slows down our rate of savings for other things, but in my book, these are absolutely essential investments that everyone should be making before anything else. Besides, we're young - we need to take advantage of these investments and the time we have between now and retirement to accrue some wealth ... and the fact that we are young gives us the privilege of time in achieving a pregnancy. The credit crunch, imploding housing market and (likely) impending recession are enough of a scare in the short run - I hate to think about those who are opting out of their 401(k) plans and foregoing all retirement savings in favor of covering short term expenditures, or to dig themselves out of the piles of debt they are in. You think things are bad now? Wait until all of these people who have opted out of retirement savings and have screwed themselves by taking on more debt than they can afford reach retirement and have nothing to fund their lifestyles ... there's another word that ends in "ession" that may be dusted off at that point in time. I hope to be living comfortably with my wife and child(ren) if / when that happens. Nothing elaborate ... just comfortable.
We're still Christmas shopping and trying to be generous in that regard - we have been blessed with great families, and want to ensure that we sacrifice nothing with them as they have been incredibly supportive throughout this process of infertility. I must say, however, that the expense of x-mas is a bit painful to endure, but we're looking forward to a nice Christmas with the families.
One week until we meet with Dr. M.
-$121,000 after 30 years (assumes 8% annual return on investment)
-3 7-day trips for two to all-inclusive Jamaican resort
-5 Precor Treadmills
-1/3 of a BMW 3-series
-1/3 annual tuition to top business school
-1/4 to 1 child via adoption (depending on cost of adoption, country, etc.)
-One hell of a shopping spree for my wife
-40 Cairn Terrier puppies
-Sell your house for even bigger loss
-2 sets of stainless steel kitchen appliances (fridge, stove, dishwasher)
-Two rooms of Pottery Barn furniture
-5 50" High Definition plasma televisions
-12 Nintendo Wiis
-6 iMacs
I'm using my year end bonus and some of our savings to cover round 2, but to make up the difference we are making a number of other sacrifices. For starters we are going to defer purchase of new vehicles. I'm driving a 2001 Ford Explorer Sport, and my wife a 2004 Dodge Stratus. Both are decent vehicles that run well, but mine has over 100k miles on it and my wife's is pushing 40k. We could theoretically make it another 5 years before there is a need to purchase a new car. It would be nice to get something newer now, but we have financial realities to deal with.
We're continuing to max out our 401(k) and Roth IRAs. This slows down our rate of savings for other things, but in my book, these are absolutely essential investments that everyone should be making before anything else. Besides, we're young - we need to take advantage of these investments and the time we have between now and retirement to accrue some wealth ... and the fact that we are young gives us the privilege of time in achieving a pregnancy. The credit crunch, imploding housing market and (likely) impending recession are enough of a scare in the short run - I hate to think about those who are opting out of their 401(k) plans and foregoing all retirement savings in favor of covering short term expenditures, or to dig themselves out of the piles of debt they are in. You think things are bad now? Wait until all of these people who have opted out of retirement savings and have screwed themselves by taking on more debt than they can afford reach retirement and have nothing to fund their lifestyles ... there's another word that ends in "ession" that may be dusted off at that point in time. I hope to be living comfortably with my wife and child(ren) if / when that happens. Nothing elaborate ... just comfortable.
We're still Christmas shopping and trying to be generous in that regard - we have been blessed with great families, and want to ensure that we sacrifice nothing with them as they have been incredibly supportive throughout this process of infertility. I must say, however, that the expense of x-mas is a bit painful to endure, but we're looking forward to a nice Christmas with the families.
One week until we meet with Dr. M.
Monday, December 10, 2007
No Bid ...
Had a second showing on our house on Saturday - naturally, lots of excitement ensued. Just found out they put a bid on another house ... bummer ...
Friday, December 7, 2007
Title Change
I just changed the title of this blog to "IVF - A Husband's Perspective" from "IVF - A Husband's In Vitro Perspective"
The original title was no attempt at being cute or anything like that ... it was sort of an oversight (I always intended to remove the "In Vitro" part, but never actually got around to it until today) The phrase "In Vitro" is Latin for "In Glass", and implies that something happens in an artificial environment. This whole process is, by my estimation, as close to an artificial environment as I've been in my life ... the whole thing is just so completely bizarre and surreal that there's no better way to describe it. Perhaps my original title was a worthy one ... but the words would've needed to be moved around because as it was, it was confusing and stupid. I'm going to leave it as you see it above from here on out - I've always been a believer in simple messages and efficient solutions ... my new title, in my opinion, is just that: Simple and to the point.
Anyhow, that's all for now. Enjoy the weekend.
The original title was no attempt at being cute or anything like that ... it was sort of an oversight (I always intended to remove the "In Vitro" part, but never actually got around to it until today) The phrase "In Vitro" is Latin for "In Glass", and implies that something happens in an artificial environment. This whole process is, by my estimation, as close to an artificial environment as I've been in my life ... the whole thing is just so completely bizarre and surreal that there's no better way to describe it. Perhaps my original title was a worthy one ... but the words would've needed to be moved around because as it was, it was confusing and stupid. I'm going to leave it as you see it above from here on out - I've always been a believer in simple messages and efficient solutions ... my new title, in my opinion, is just that: Simple and to the point.
Anyhow, that's all for now. Enjoy the weekend.
In the garage ...
There is a bag on the workbench in our garage that contains a t-shirt. The t-shirt says "America's Next Top Mommy" The bag is a shipping bag and it sits exactly where it landed after being tossed by my wife the day we learned our first round of IVF had failed. Not sure if I'll ever move that bag for any reason other than changing oil in the car.
On an unrelated note, I'm starting to think about new years resolutions and our second round of IVF and how I might optimize my reforms by taking advantage of the overlapping objectives of each endeavor. These thoughts were prompted by another IVF blog from the male perspective in which the author described his Doctor's orders to abstain completely from caffeine, and limit alcohol intake to less than 2 drinks per week. Now, this conflicts with what we were told by Dr. S.- I asked about both substances, and how I should impede my enjoyment of them during the build up to our first round. He very casually replied that it would be okay to have a few drinks each week, so long as I didn't over do it (didn't specify "not to exceed" volume) and he actually encouraged me to drink caffeine, saying it was good for sperm (according to some study they did) My issue is with morphology, not counts or motility - perhaps this is why he didn't discourage me to partake of the substances (perhaps they have no detrimental effect on shape?) Either way, it was all very casual and ad hoc, leaving me with the feeling that the quantity of these two inputs would have little effect on the outcome of our procedure. So, I commenced with partaking in drink, but not to the point of excess. I did, however, drink a lot of coffee as the 12 hour days require it ... I'm still drinking a Venti coffee each morning and a double shot of espresso in the afternoons. If I need to quit this stuff, I need to do it soon so I can detox my system prior to leaving my sample for round 2. Perhaps I should just do it anyways, prior to receiving word from the Doctor?
Either way, I'm hoping that our next round includes some specific directions on how much (not) to drink, whether or not to drink caffeine, any vitamins I should or should not take, etc. Even if the Doctors don't have an indication on specific volumetric measurements that should be undercut, I would still like absolute, crystal clear direction from them on every variable that could impact our chances at achieving pregnancy. If they prescribe our lifestyle in such a way, at will at least be able to take solace in the fact that I have controlled those things that I could to the best of my ability.
Nothing on tap for the weekend other than a bottle of wine with my wife tonight over dinner - I can't wait ... feels like we haven't spent any time together in several weeks. I miss her very much.
On an unrelated note, I'm starting to think about new years resolutions and our second round of IVF and how I might optimize my reforms by taking advantage of the overlapping objectives of each endeavor. These thoughts were prompted by another IVF blog from the male perspective in which the author described his Doctor's orders to abstain completely from caffeine, and limit alcohol intake to less than 2 drinks per week. Now, this conflicts with what we were told by Dr. S.- I asked about both substances, and how I should impede my enjoyment of them during the build up to our first round. He very casually replied that it would be okay to have a few drinks each week, so long as I didn't over do it (didn't specify "not to exceed" volume) and he actually encouraged me to drink caffeine, saying it was good for sperm (according to some study they did) My issue is with morphology, not counts or motility - perhaps this is why he didn't discourage me to partake of the substances (perhaps they have no detrimental effect on shape?) Either way, it was all very casual and ad hoc, leaving me with the feeling that the quantity of these two inputs would have little effect on the outcome of our procedure. So, I commenced with partaking in drink, but not to the point of excess. I did, however, drink a lot of coffee as the 12 hour days require it ... I'm still drinking a Venti coffee each morning and a double shot of espresso in the afternoons. If I need to quit this stuff, I need to do it soon so I can detox my system prior to leaving my sample for round 2. Perhaps I should just do it anyways, prior to receiving word from the Doctor?
Either way, I'm hoping that our next round includes some specific directions on how much (not) to drink, whether or not to drink caffeine, any vitamins I should or should not take, etc. Even if the Doctors don't have an indication on specific volumetric measurements that should be undercut, I would still like absolute, crystal clear direction from them on every variable that could impact our chances at achieving pregnancy. If they prescribe our lifestyle in such a way, at will at least be able to take solace in the fact that I have controlled those things that I could to the best of my ability.
Nothing on tap for the weekend other than a bottle of wine with my wife tonight over dinner - I can't wait ... feels like we haven't spent any time together in several weeks. I miss her very much.
Thursday, December 6, 2007
My Turn
Tonight is my wife's work party ... I was supposed to go, but we got a call today for a showing on our house tomorrow morning, so now I'll spend the night cleaning and prepping our home (perhaps we'll get a bid?) As noted in an earlier post, our home is on the market, and the activity has been very slow. Each of the showings we've had to date has brought with it a great deal of optimism, excitement and teasing hopes that we might actually sell our house and move up North. So, this is our first showing in over 3 weeks ... we have to make it count, so I get to clean.
My wife and I used to wake up on Saturday mornings, drink coffee and spend about 2 hours in an all out joint cleaning effort prior to going about our days. My job was to dust, vacuum, wipe down stainless steel appliances, swiffer and organize while my wife cleaned bathrooms, put away laundry, cleaned the kitchen and whatever other tasks remained. This was a great system - my wife and I both appreciate a clean house, and neither of us really mind cleaning all that much, so this was a fairly enjoyable routine. That all changed when we got our puppy. Since my wife will be at her work party I will assume full responsibility for prepping our home for tomorrow's showing. I'm already nervous about how I'm going to get all of this cleaning done tonight while simultaneously watching our puppy ... anyhow, this prompts some thoughts on puppy rearing vs. child rearing.
Our puppy demands 100% of our attention ... look away for more than 10 seconds and he'll start chewing on cords, eating the Christmas tree or biting your feet. Then you have to bring him outside every 20 minutes so he can do his business (we estimate we brought him outside over 40 times last Sunday) He cries at night, and we have to bring him outside every 4 hours or he'll make a mess in his crate (and eat the evidence) This is all a lot of work, but it is very much worth it when he falls asleep on your lap, or tries to sleep as close to you as he can. He's a cute little guy, especially when he's sleeping, is very affectionate and very dependent on us for everything. Most importantly, he has diverted our attention from infertility to something else ... and he makes us laugh.
A baby, by my estimation, would require a similar amount of work ... I would even guess that it would be LESS work, at first. A baby sleeps more, can be left alone in a swing or baby seat for a few minutes here and there, does its business in the house (in its clothes), goes to bed early and doesn't bite. Either way, this puppy has opened our eyes just a little to how our lives will change when our parenting days begin. If we had not failed our first IVF cycle, we would not have gotten this puppy ... I shudder to think that Cooper might have ended up with some Amish family, forced to pull a plow through fields, or churn butter all day. Perhaps we needed the primer on parenting offered by puppy rearing prior to getting into the game of parenting human children. I've always heard people say that your priorities change the second you become a parent. I'm attached to my little puppy, but nowhere near what I will be to the baby we will one day have (our own, or adopted), but I can say my priorities have changed a little bit ... that small amount of attachment between me and the dog, however, has been insightful into what I expect the world of parenting to be like.
Anyways, if there are pools of blood lying around on this blog tomorrow, please don't be alarmed - it will likely be falling out of the holes Cooper will put in my body tonight while I clean. Hopefully these people will buy our house ... we need a break, and a bid would be a very welcomed one.
FYI - Prior to owning a dog I would have read this and said: Bullshit ... I feel a little differently about things now.
My wife and I used to wake up on Saturday mornings, drink coffee and spend about 2 hours in an all out joint cleaning effort prior to going about our days. My job was to dust, vacuum, wipe down stainless steel appliances, swiffer and organize while my wife cleaned bathrooms, put away laundry, cleaned the kitchen and whatever other tasks remained. This was a great system - my wife and I both appreciate a clean house, and neither of us really mind cleaning all that much, so this was a fairly enjoyable routine. That all changed when we got our puppy. Since my wife will be at her work party I will assume full responsibility for prepping our home for tomorrow's showing. I'm already nervous about how I'm going to get all of this cleaning done tonight while simultaneously watching our puppy ... anyhow, this prompts some thoughts on puppy rearing vs. child rearing.
Our puppy demands 100% of our attention ... look away for more than 10 seconds and he'll start chewing on cords, eating the Christmas tree or biting your feet. Then you have to bring him outside every 20 minutes so he can do his business (we estimate we brought him outside over 40 times last Sunday) He cries at night, and we have to bring him outside every 4 hours or he'll make a mess in his crate (and eat the evidence) This is all a lot of work, but it is very much worth it when he falls asleep on your lap, or tries to sleep as close to you as he can. He's a cute little guy, especially when he's sleeping, is very affectionate and very dependent on us for everything. Most importantly, he has diverted our attention from infertility to something else ... and he makes us laugh.
A baby, by my estimation, would require a similar amount of work ... I would even guess that it would be LESS work, at first. A baby sleeps more, can be left alone in a swing or baby seat for a few minutes here and there, does its business in the house (in its clothes), goes to bed early and doesn't bite. Either way, this puppy has opened our eyes just a little to how our lives will change when our parenting days begin. If we had not failed our first IVF cycle, we would not have gotten this puppy ... I shudder to think that Cooper might have ended up with some Amish family, forced to pull a plow through fields, or churn butter all day. Perhaps we needed the primer on parenting offered by puppy rearing prior to getting into the game of parenting human children. I've always heard people say that your priorities change the second you become a parent. I'm attached to my little puppy, but nowhere near what I will be to the baby we will one day have (our own, or adopted), but I can say my priorities have changed a little bit ... that small amount of attachment between me and the dog, however, has been insightful into what I expect the world of parenting to be like.
Anyways, if there are pools of blood lying around on this blog tomorrow, please don't be alarmed - it will likely be falling out of the holes Cooper will put in my body tonight while I clean. Hopefully these people will buy our house ... we need a break, and a bid would be a very welcomed one.
FYI - Prior to owning a dog I would have read this and said: Bullshit ... I feel a little differently about things now.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Next Stop: Oakwood
Just made our appointment for round two, with Dr. M. at Oakwood Hospital (technically, the clinic is called "Center for Reproductive Medicine Oakwood Hospital and Medical Center" - ironically, this is where I went for my first and second semen analysis ... when I left there last time I thought "At least I'll never see these people again!" ... how fate plays tricks on us)
Our appointment is scheduled for December 17th, so expect a report out on the 18th of what our second round will hold for us. I'm guessing it will involve shots in the leg, shots in the ass and more "doing it" with cups. Once again I'm reminded of my position in this whole thing - the receptionist made it clear that they would be "treating" my wife while I get to skate with little to no responsibility. My poor wife. She has been through so much in the past year. Our puppy hasn't made it much easier. While I'm out "consulting", getting home at 8 p.m. every night, she's dealing with all of Cooper's sharp teeth and pent up energy from spending the day in the bathroom playing with / eating his own turds. I appreciate her and everything she's going through more than she will ever know.
Oh, to top it all off, we just received an e-mail from one of my wife's cousins with subject "Coming June 2008 ..." Inside were four ultrasound photos of their baby, which is currently being assembled inside of his wife's womb. From what we know they didn't have to pay anything for this to happen, didn't have to take shots, didn't have to take the eggs out of her body and then put them back in again or anything. We're happy for them, obviously, but it's another reminder of our situation. Even better, this morning while I was filling my gas tank I saw this sign on the gas pump that read as follows:
Um - we're trying, like $10,000 - $20,000 hard, to choose life.
So anyways, we're going to commence planning for round two in just under two weeks. Actually, we're feeling pretty optimistic about our chances in round two - we just heard about another girl who successfully conceived on her 4th round of IVF. I hope it doesn't take us that long, but I do HOPE ...
Finally, I was impressed with Dr. M's receptionist. She even went so far to ask for the customer service number from my insurance provider so she could ensure our consultation will be covered. Those little things go such a long ways towards easing the process. I told her how impressed I was with the fact that she asked a question that all medical receptionists should ask, and that I appreciated it very much.
Our appointment is scheduled for December 17th, so expect a report out on the 18th of what our second round will hold for us. I'm guessing it will involve shots in the leg, shots in the ass and more "doing it" with cups. Once again I'm reminded of my position in this whole thing - the receptionist made it clear that they would be "treating" my wife while I get to skate with little to no responsibility. My poor wife. She has been through so much in the past year. Our puppy hasn't made it much easier. While I'm out "consulting", getting home at 8 p.m. every night, she's dealing with all of Cooper's sharp teeth and pent up energy from spending the day in the bathroom playing with / eating his own turds. I appreciate her and everything she's going through more than she will ever know.
Oh, to top it all off, we just received an e-mail from one of my wife's cousins with subject "Coming June 2008 ..." Inside were four ultrasound photos of their baby, which is currently being assembled inside of his wife's womb. From what we know they didn't have to pay anything for this to happen, didn't have to take shots, didn't have to take the eggs out of her body and then put them back in again or anything. We're happy for them, obviously, but it's another reminder of our situation. Even better, this morning while I was filling my gas tank I saw this sign on the gas pump that read as follows:
Children's are God's most precious gift. Please choose life.
Um - we're trying, like $10,000 - $20,000 hard, to choose life.
So anyways, we're going to commence planning for round two in just under two weeks. Actually, we're feeling pretty optimistic about our chances in round two - we just heard about another girl who successfully conceived on her 4th round of IVF. I hope it doesn't take us that long, but I do HOPE ...
Finally, I was impressed with Dr. M's receptionist. She even went so far to ask for the customer service number from my insurance provider so she could ensure our consultation will be covered. Those little things go such a long ways towards easing the process. I told her how impressed I was with the fact that she asked a question that all medical receptionists should ask, and that I appreciated it very much.
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