Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Breath Holding

My wife is the most wonderful person in the world. We were going to her parents this weekend (which is fairly routine) for a Memorial Day party. We parked up the street at a relatives house and walked the final 150 yards to her parents. Before getting there I saw a man in the street and said "Hey, that looks like my cousin Pete!" (which was odd, because this event was with my in-laws, not my side of the family) I quickly dismissed it as we walked into the yard - then, the big crowd of people which contained members of my family AND my wife's family yelled "Surprise!" - then the Michigan State fight song started playing as I slowly realized my wife had thrown a surprise 30th birthday party for me (2 months before my actual birthday) I was shocked, and completely surprised. I had no idea she was planning this. I had so much fun - one of the best times I've had in a really long time - members of my family were there, several of my friends and my wife's entire family. I can't believe she pulled this off, and in the midst of everything we're going through and her busy schedule. I am so lucky, and I love my wife more than words can say. Thank you sweetheart - I will always remember that.

Update on Femara month four: Spotting began today. Bummer. I think my wife is at the point of exhaustion with this whole thing. True, sincere exhaustion. The hope is gone ... and you know what? We're sort of glad to see it go. Hope brings anxiety, and disappointment. It is tiring. It is blinding. It doesn't make the situation any easier. But when you get to that point where you have no more hope left you can look around and realize there is a whole lot of life to live outside of infertility, and a lot of it is really cool. Our plan is to move, enjoy a small house in a cool city, save some money and, God forbid, enjoy ourselves a little. We might even have a few drinks along the way. And hopefully Cooper will stop biting us, and pooping in our house.

We're coming in for the final approach with the sale of our house. Moving into a rental this Friday and closing the sale of our home next Friday. Very nervous, and very hopeful that this sale will stay on track. Posts will be sparse this next week.


BethH6703 said...

Just wanted to wish you a Happy Birthday (even if it is 2 months early!), and let you know that I'll keep you in my prayers as you finalize this sale in our KRAPPY Detroit real-estate market.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

Hope is truly double edged.

Depending on how long you've been trying, hope is either walking with you, or dragging you in it's wake.

While I hope you don't lose all hope, I fully understand the desire to.

Sometimes you just want to get off the ride.

All the very best to you both.