Thursday, May 15, 2008

The Departed

Most of the blogs I've been reading of late are written by people who have departed the land of the infertile, and are in the midst of pregnancies, or parenting. There is a common thread that runs through each of these blogs - and it is one of regret and shame. I think it's understandable, but I wanted to contribute my USD 0.02 to those who might read this post, and have written of the things I describe.

I know it's hard for some people to deal with others getting what they want. Every time we hear a pregnancy announcement, my wife breaks down in tears. For me, it stings, but I can handle it - I get down for a bit, then get up very quickly and worry only about what we can control in our own situation. I am of optimistic composition (or at least I try to be) When I read blogs describing people as they carry out their IUI or IVF procedures, I genuinely want them to succeed, and can feel their pain when they don't (we've all been there). The feelings we infertile experience as a result of our affliction are shared amongst all of us - why else would we read and write blogs about it if there weren't some common denominator amongst us? I find it puzzling, however, that when people achieve their goal, they actually feel bad about leaving the infertile herd for greener pastures. I can't wait to jump over that fence! When we do, I intend to cautiously celebrate, and savor every second of the experience. And I will feel no shame when telling others about it.

So, a message to those of you who have become pregnant, or parents: Enjoy it. There are a lot of people who would love to have what you have and many of them are happy for you even though they don't.


PJ said...

Good post!

I intend to convert my blog (or start a new one) to a pregnancy blog when we conceive. But I think infertility will always be a little part of me, and I will always feel a connection with anyone who is going through that. The blogs have been a good outlet.

Good luck with your next attempt. :)

Tracy said...

Nice post! This is exactly why I shut down my IF blog and am focusing on my pregnancy blog. I feel so bad for people still struggling with IF, but I have had to distance myself a bit from some of the blogs because I need to be in a good place right now.

I'm like you...I've never been one to avoid pregnant women, or be down about their good news. Of course it stings at first, in that way of "why can't it be me" but their good news has nothing to do with our inability to get pregnant.

Good luck to you and your wife...I'm still praying for good news soon.