Picture

I'm surprised by the influx of comments - thanks everyone! Here's a picture of the little guy ... I think he's a good looking boy.

I'll provide updates as appropriate, but there won't be much news until we travel to Korea to pick him up. We will be quite busy with paper work and documentation over the next several weeks after which we will wait for the U.S. and Korean governments to do their thing. We expect to make our trip to Korea in February or March of 2010. It's going to be a long wait but we're excited about the certainty of the whole affair. Before our travels, we'll have a baby shower and nesting and possible home buying, etc. - all of the stuff that parents-to-be partake in, and all the stuff my wife is thrilled about finally being able to participate in. And, I'm really excited about participating too.

Thanks again for all the support - and for those still going through infertility struggles, remember that what you are reading and seeing here is the worst possible outcome you can have. We haven't gotten our child yet, but the pain and struggle of trying to conceive already feels like a distant memory. The moral is: It will be okay. In fact, it will be even better than that ... but good luck with your efforts none the less.

Referral!

We are going to be parents.

Our referral for a 5 month old Korean baby boy came this week. With a stellar medical history and no indications of any reasons for concern, we have accepted and now embark on the stack of paperwork to legalize the matter.

Pictures to come - but we're looking at 3 - 4 months of processing time prior to making our trip to Korea to pick him up. I haven't seen my wife this happy since our first year of marriage. It is a good week, indeed.

Last One

HAS BEEN A VERY LONG TIME SINCE I WROTE - here's one final post on where we are, and where we're going.

We have officially kicked off the process for adopting a child from Korea. We have chosen an agency in Troy, MI (who shall remain nameless as we're told they're not crazy about the concept of blogging) We submitted the pre-application ($50), then the formal application ($500), then the $2,000 required to get the home study started. So far it has been pretty straight forward - they sent us a big pack of paperwork to fill out - we promptly applied our script and prose, and sent it back. Data requested included financial information (assets, liabilities, income, etc.), health records (for which we had to have complete blood work and physicals, which entailed a young male doctor handling me roughly about the private parts, again ... seriously, do doctors really have to be so interested in junk all the time?), reference checks (which are currently in process), biographies, a questionnaire on why/how we will be good parents, and a few other odds and ends. We are now waiting for our social worker to contact us to get the home study process rolling. So far, the process has been pretty straight forward and painless.

Along the infertility highway, we heard a lot of folks talk about the point we are at, and the relief associated with just giving up on the whole baby-making concept. I'll tell you that they were right - we haven't looked back since we made the decision to adopt, and it feels pretty damn good. A burden has been lifted, we have a sense of calm and peace with things, and we're no longer worried about what the next cycle will, or will not bring. I only wish we had made the decision sooner. I have steered clear of this blog in an effort to put the past behind us, and I intend to steer clear of it in the future. We're moving forward, and we're happy about it. We'd like to put the past on the shelf for a while, and leave it behind.

We still get a lot of "I know someone who adopted and found out they were pregnant right before they got their referral", which is annoying, but sort of comical because everyone who tells you that thinks they are so clever - they have good intentions, but yeah, we've heard it like 200 times. Across the board, however, our news has been greeted with extreme delight from everyone we've shared it with. When you tell someone you are in the process of adopting a baby from Korea, it almost always catches them by surprise before they respond with a very sincere "That's really cool - great for you guys." Seriously - people dig it when you plan to adopt from Korea. We expect a similar result after we actually have our baby - we will forevermore be those two white people walking down the street with a Korean baby, and most intelligent people will think "They must have adopted - how nice." And we will walk down the street knowing that we are two white people who adopted from Korea, and we will think "We adopted - how very nice indeed."

Thanks to everyone who has read this lame blog ... I've enjoyed your comments and support. And to those of you who are still in the running to overcome infertility, I with you good luck, but recommend you relax and realize that the worst possible outcome really isn't that bad after all - my wife and I are an example of that. Besides, we would welcome you to the club - we will need help saving all the South Korean babies from that crazy Kim Jon-Il son-of-a-bitch ...

... and that's the line with which I end the blog "IVF - A Husband's Perspective"

More difficult than we ever expected

It's been a while since I've posted - we've been living in the "end of the road" malaise for the past several weeks, trying our best to accept our new reality and move on to adoption. I must say that personally, I am handling it quite well. My wife on the other hand is having a very, very difficult time. It breaks my heart to see her so down, and I worry about her every second of the day.

We have been getting educated about adoption and have sort of narrowed our choice down to Korea. The primary reasons have to do with age restrictions (my wife is only 28 and most countries require both adoptive parents to be at least 30) Korean infants are available, are raised in foster care (as opposed to orphanages) and the wait times are reasonable (6 - 18 months) All of these criteria are important to us, thus our preliminary decision.

We went to two meetings with adoption agencies yesterday - very exciting, but equally sobering. I knew this process was expensive, but when they plainly stated it will cost about $30,000 to adopt from Korea (comparable for domestic) it sunk in just how financially challenging this is going to be. I'm a financial nut ... I am very rigid about paying off debt (car and student loans), funding retirement accounts and sticking to a monthly budget. I do ALL of our finances so I have a very good idea of where we stand and what we can take on. Bottom line is this: $30,000 is simply too much for us right now. We have the cash, but it would put us so severely behind on a number of other goals and add so much stress to our lives that I am really uncomfortable moving forward with adoption at the current time. So, I have no choice but to strongly urge my wife to defer our adoption plans until we are on more solid financial footing. Fortunately I have a good job and we can get to solid financial ground in relatively short order (~8 months) but needless to say my wife is taking it unbelievably hard. Last night she sat on the couch and cried for the entire evening. I went home for lunch and her eyes were red and swollen. She is devastated not only by the diagnosis of our bleak chances at conception, but even more so at the potential three year wait we have ahead of us before we receive an adoption referral. I fear she is already depressed, and that it could get worse, and the worst part is that I have no idea how to help her, to give her what she needs, to maker her feel better. I'm giving it my all, and I will continue to do so, but calling it difficult is a huge understatement.

I've always thought that difficult times are an opportunity to prove your decency as a person. My role in this one is to be a good, supportive, patient, understanding husband, regardless of how my wife handles it. I'm doing my best, but it's hard to not feel like it's good enough.

We've wasted over half of our marriage and nearly $30,000 trying to concieve ... I need a break from it, and need to enjoy life for a while. It seems the only thing that is going to snap my wife out of this is a baby - right NOW - and here is where my best efforts will always fall short. The road ahead of us appears to be long and jagged.

(un)certainty

We had our post-failed-IVF-#2 meeting with our Doctor this morning. Dr. Mersol-Barg is a good man. I'm not keen on putting names into my blog, but I'd like to mention his, since he inserted so much compassion into the process. He took the edge off of the whole thing in a big way. We have no regrets about our decision to pursue the second round, and we have full confidence that if anyone was going to get us pregnant, it was Dr. Mersol-Barg. If you're in Southeast Michigan, and looking for infertility care, we highly recommend him (and we've been under the care of three doctors, so we know)

Anyways, the meeting revealed little we didn't already know. There is a "chronic egg issue" - they knew it as soon as they "cleared" the eggs following retrieval. The eggs had a yellow color, which is something embryologists don't really understand ... it might have something to do with cholesterol, but nobody really knows. Bottom line: Given this egg issue, assisted reproductive technologies can do little to help us.

He talked for a while about donor eggs. Prior to going to the meeting we sort of agreed that we weren't really interested in them, but as Dr. MB states, until you're on the edge of the cliff, you don't really know what you will decide or how you will react. He said it was his duty, and responsibility to describe the options we had available to us. Now that we're taking in the view from the cliff's edge, donor eggs are something we are going to leave on the table for the time being. I want to clearly state something: I have no "need" for a child that is genetically tied to me - that is not the reason for considering donor eggs. Technologies for egg freezing have improved drastically in the past 12 months. Our clinic is doing a trial in this area and they are seeking participants. We are candidates for this trial, and could receive some economic relief by participating. The process could commence very soon, and offers some very attractive odds for success, and eliminates variables out of your control when pursuing adoption (i.e. health screening, drug records, healthy pregnancy behaviors, etc.)

We have some talking to do, and some decisions to make. There are a lot of things to consider with either option ... how do you handle telling children of donor eggs about the nature of their "coming into the world"? Similar questions abound for adoption.

The choices are certain to be difficult ... but as the Bachelor Jason "Douche Bag" Mesnik states, this process is about tough choices. We are still going to pursue adoption, but, we might explore this donor egg thing a little bit too ... I'm leaving the decision to my wife, as I am completely at peace with any route we follow. My wife and I want a family - we know now that the path we have to follow to get there will be unconventional. Now we need just pick the flavor of unconventional we like best.

Will keep you posted.

No Go

On Saturday morning our Doctor called to say that 2 of our 4 embryos had deteriorated: 4 less 2 equals 2. Of those two, one was borderline acceptable and the other was not much better. He gave us a 5% chance of pregnancy if we transferred that day (which was day 3) We opted to hold off until day 5 (today) - this morning's call confirmed that the final two had arrested leaving none to transfer. He's calling it "a serious egg issue". We're calling it "the end of the road". Adoption, here we come ...

There's really not much left to say ... we're clearly disappointed, but we're surprisingly okay. We went into this knowing our odds were pretty grim. Even though we've fallen on the less desirable side of the fence, we at least have some certainty ... our goal is to get educated about adoption and move forward in the weeks ahead. We're expecting it to be an adventure, certain to have its own ups and downs, but at least at the end of it we will be parents, and will be able to give a great life to somebody who might otherwise have had to grow up in difficult circumstances.

As for this blog, I'm going to retire it and start a new one with more details on the journey we are about to begin ... more to come later, but for those of you who have read, commented and encouraged, thank you. I hope your path ends as you hope it to.

Not looking good

Here's the day one fertilization report:

We ended up with 10 eggs of sufficient quality for ICSI (of 27 follicles harvested) Of those, only 4 made it to the next step (i.e. normally fertilized) but there is concern with their quality. According to the Doctor, they have a "yellow" tint, which normally indicates suboptimal embryo and/or egg quality. We're "still in the game", but just barely ... day 3 report will be received at 8:00 a.m. Saturday. He might opt to transfer on day 3, but I think he wants to wait until day 5 to observe embryo development, if any of them make it that far.

We're pretty bummed, but, nice touch that the Doctor himself calls with this news ... he's a good, empathetic man. Fingers crossed, pessimistically.

Follicle count

27

That's a lot.

At least ten are over 15mm ... not too shabby. But as the Doctor says, "more is not better - better is better"

Fertilization report coming tomorrow. Wife is doing fine - very little pain, hardly any spotting ... a bit teary-eyed after coming off the anesthesia, but all in all, she's doing great.

To my wife, on the eve of a big day

I know that the last two years have been so much harder for you than they have been for me. I've stood by your side month, after month, after month, watching you curse pregnant people, swear at / throw away Pottery Barn Kids magazines, and middle-finger pictures of other people's kids on your iPhone Facebook application. You want to be a mother more than anything in the world, and it kills me that you have yet to become one.

In spite of the fact that it has been harder for you than it has for me, there is one thing of which I have become quite painfully aware: What makes infertility difficult is the uncertainty, and endless cycles of hope destroyed. The "what if", "maybe", "I hope" roller coaster is torture, and I've ridden it with you.

Given that this uncertainty is a part of our lives, and we might never get away from it, I want you to always be certain of one thing: I will always love you, I will always be here for you, and there are no "what ifs", "maybes" or "I hopes" about that - you can always depend on, and hold on to that one, sure thing. I love you.

Now let's go make a (test tube) baby.

There ...

We do our HCG shot tonight at 9:30 p.m. during The Bachelor

No food or drink after midnight tomorrow for my wife, she starts an antibiotic - then, we're at the clinic for a 7:00 a.m. meeting on Wednesday. God, I hope this works ...

... see you on the other side with a fertilization report.

Almost there ...

Another ultrasound this morning - they estimate she'll be ready for retrieval on Wednesday, meaning the HCG shot will be administered tomorrow. One final round of Menopur tonight (300 IUs ... we're out of Bravelle, and have 4 vials of Menopur left, so the nurse said we should be fine using up our stock in lieu of ordering more Bravelle) Needless to say, my wife will be relieved after the barrage of needles that has ruled her life these past two weeks. She is in quite a bit of discomfort, and to make matters worse, she had a mole removed from her back last week, leaving a 1 inch incision (2.5 cm for those in EU) - not fun for her. I really feel for her, and admire her determination to persevere through this.

It's going to be an intense 3 weeks on all fronts - wish us luck - and to anyone else who is in cycle, best of luck to you.

Friday tidbits

• We began Ganirellix this morning - the shots come prepackaged, in nice pre-loaded glass syringes. All you have to do is pop the top off, inject in the leg, squeeze and remove ---- or so I thought --- I completely forgot to remove the small pocket of air from the syringe before injecting my wife - I've become a cocky injector - shame on me. A small amount of fluid trickled out of the injection site after removing the needle, and I believe a small bubble of air made its way in ... I hope this is not too severe an issue (mostly the bubble of air, but also the leaking medication) - we're not too worried


• My wife is getting a bit, how shall we say ... crazy animated? The medications are definitely taking their toll - this morning I attempted to do a P90X video (yes, I'm thinking of taking the plunge and trying the program, only to fall off the wagon in week two just like everyone else who tries it --- try doing a search for P90X blogs - you will find a ton of them that are about two to three weeks long) - anyways, I used my wife's laptop to play the workout video - afterward, all of her desktop icons were moved (from the DVD software I think) - she wasn't happy about it. I think she thinks I spent my morning messing up her computer ... definitely the medication ...


• I start a new, short, intense 3-week project at work that requires visits to some engineering centers in Ohio and Europe - of course the opportune time to do these visits falls dead nuts in the middle of next week - which you all know is when our IVF procedure is scheduled to go down (UPDATE: Based on yesterday's ultrasound, they're predicting our retrieval will take place next Thursday or Friday) So, I've been "on the bench" since mid-December 2008, and now, the one day I actually have to be here, I am needed in faraway places - figures it would work out like that


• We have another ultrasound tomorrow - we're hoping they will see enough evidence to firm up the certainty of their follicle harvest forecast

Summoning magic types

If you are capable of casting magic spells, and you are reading this, I would like to kindly ask you to cast one in our direction so that our IVF procedure next week works. We really, really, really want to become parents ... all you have to do is point your magic wand, or whatever device you use, towards Birmingham, MI anytime between now and two weeks from now (depending on how long your spells last)

In return I can offer you some strategic advice (complete with PowerPoint slides containing upward pointing, green-colored arrows, recommendations to offshore EVERYTHING to China or India, and words like innovatization)

Increased meds

We were told to increase our medication to 150 IUs of Menopur (from 75 IUs) - 150 IUs of Bravelle remains the same.

That is all.

By the numbers

I'm posting actual hard data. Here's the results of my latest semen analysis:

• Volume: 2.8 mL (should be > 2.0 mL)


• Concentration: 161 million/mL (should be > 20 million/mL)


• Total Motility: 45% (should be > 50%)


• Progressive Motility: 23%


• Total Progressive Motile Sperm: 104 million


• Normal Morphology (WHO): NA (should be > 30%)


• Pre-IVF Kruger Strict Morphology: 8% (ICSI recommended if < 6%)


• Round Cells/mL: < 5 million / mL (should be < 5 million/mL)


• pH: 7.2 (should be > 7.2)


• Viscosity: Slight increased viscosity


• Liquefaction: < 50 minutes (should be < 60 minutes)


• Aggregation: Absent (should be absent to slight)


• Agglutination: Absent (should be absent)


• WBC: < 1.0 million/mL (should be < 1.0 million/mL)


• Impression: Abnormal - Normal sperm concentration, mild decrease in total sperm motility, normal progressive sperm motility and normal morphology by strict criteria at 8% which is an improvement into normal rage compared to previous semen analysis at outside laboratory.


• Recommendations: Assisted Reproductive Technologies: I recommend ICSI with IVF therapy due to mild decrease in sperm morphology.

So, as you can see my problem has shifted from morphology to motility. Weird eh? Either way, it's all moot given the diagnosis from our Doctor - and the numbers look good for ICSI, particularly the improvement in morphology.

My wife's ultrasound was uneventful - her follicles are still too small to count. She goes back in on Thursday. Will post an update then - hopefully we'll have a follicle estimate, and a verdict on our meds (i.e. to modify dose, and/or to begin Ganirellix)

More on meds

Okay - wife and I sorted through the gigantic box of medications over lunch. On tap for the next 7 days, or so, we will mix 75 IUs of Menopur and 150 IUs of Bravelle in 1 cc of water. This shot will be administered in my wife's belly with a small needle (thankfully - the nurse noted because of her small size, and her low body fat, she could get by with the small ones - lucky for me too - my wife is HOT!)

She goes in for an ultrasound next Tuesday and was told to bring a syringe preloaded with Ganirelix with her ... depending on how her follicles are developing they will begin Ganirelix, and/or alter the Menopur + Bravelle cocktail. Her HCG shot will be 10,000 ISP units of "Chorionic Gonadotropin" ... and for a chaser she will use "Endometrin vag tabs" progesterone (which will continue well into what we hope is a pregnancy ... and a safe, healthy, prosperous one at that)

I hope my balls are making some nice sperm.

More to come after the first ultrasound ... have a good weekend.

Beginning meds

We start our shots tonight (let me rephrase: I start jabbing my wife with needles containing follicle-stimulating hormones tonight)

It's like climbing the first hill of a roller coaster ... scared shitless, but excited at the same time - either way, it's too late to get out of the car ... we're committed.

In just under two weeks, with luck, we'll have embryos.

Will post detailed med schedule over the weekend (as promised in an earlier post)

Are we hippies?

My wife is going to a new acupuncturist in parallel to our upcoming round of IVF. Our Doctor said he is a proponent of such alternative treatments, but does not enforce it. We figure if it can help, why not? The incremental cost is negligible in comparison to the IVF fees, and my wife derives a sense of calm from the experience (something that she desperately needs)

My wife was referred to a different acupuncturist than the one she saw during our IUIs - her first appointment was yesterday. She enjoyed it.

The acupuncturist recommended a number of organic supplements for my wife, including wheat grass juice, blue green algae, lots of green vegetables, and others. I used to drink wheat grass juice in my early twenties, when I was working out a lot, and had a wildly polarized health regimen (wheat grass juice and workout in the morning, beer and chewing tobacco at night) Those were the days. It's good stuff, and the health benefits seem to be overwhelming (there are skeptics, however)

Any of you drink wheat grass juice? Any of you grow your own? It's expensive at $2.25 per 1 oz. shot - I'm wondering if we should just grow the stuff at home, and get a juicer ... sort of a voodoo / witchraft thing to do, but if it helps ...

Thoughts?

Orientation

We had our "IVF Orientation" session this morning ... our Doctor, and his office did an outstanding job - very nicely done.

I started out the morning just how I always like to: With a sterile cup and a big stack of porn. Yes, they are doing yet another semen analysis. This being the 4th facility in which I've "collected", I'm starting to become a connoisseur of the process. A DVD-equipped TV sat atop a filing cabinet with drawers labeled "DVDs", and on the wall was ~30 Playboy, Hustler and Penthouse magazines. A faux leather couch (blue) was provided and the room was filled with a "whooshing" sound from a sleep noise generator (I'm guessing to minimize any slapping sounds that might leak beyond the door and/or walls) A small metal door covered the opening between the collection room, and the lab - I placed my sample in there post-climax. This eliminated the need to shamefully carry my specimen down the hallway to the nurse at the front desk, saying "here is a cup that contains my semen, which I got by masturbating in the room over there with all the porn in it - my pecker was in this cup just a few minutes ago, and it was also in the hand in which I am handing the cup to you with" Nuff of that ...

The Dr. spent over an hour with us reading through the detailed results of our first failed cycle. He confirmed his theory that we have an embryo development issue. In our first cycle, 19 follicles were collected. 15 of them were mature. Of those 15, 9 fertilized. Only two of the fertilized embryos matured sufficiently to be transferred, and the quality of these two was less than desirable. All remaining follicles degenerated, leaving nothing to freeze. Sounds grim, right? Not so fast - he thinks the cycle-to-cycle variability leaves us cause for optimism. He is hopeful that our next cycle presents a 60 - 65% likelihood of success - not too bad. Depending on egg / embryo quality, he leans towards returning only a single follicle to the womb ... two max, so this is likely the way we will proceed.

The remainder of the morning was spent watching a brief slide show that illustrated the ICSI process with a step-by-step narration from our Doctor. It might not sound like that big of a deal, but we were very impressed. His willingness to spend time with us, and his empathy left a deep impression on us. He could tell my wife was tearing up at certain points of the process, and you could see he genuinely cared ... we have a good amount of faith that we will be getting the best care possible.

Next steps are for my wife to get an ultrasound tomorrow ... then meds begin on February 13th.

Round 2 - Fight!

We had our meeting with Dr. #3 this morning - Dr. MB is a very nice man, and is friends with each of our previous two doctors which is both weird and cool (I bet they talk about us like we're total flakes for jumping around so much). Let me state up front that our reasons for switching are purely for convenience - since moving last summer, the commute between home and the infertility clinic grew significantly ... not a good thing when daily blood draws are required, and Michigan winter is in full swing.

Dr. MB was kind enough to review our files last night, so was very prepared to explain his theory on the reason for our failing to concieve. He said infertility boils down to an issue with one or more of the following 4 areas: Tubes, Uterus, Sperm or Egg. In his opinion, the first three are fine, and all indicators point to egg quality as the culprit. The reason? Blood checks during the first 3 days of my wife's period indicate levels of FSH that are a bit high - he likened FSH to a car's tachometer - when revved (i.e. high FSH) the ovary will accelerate the development of follicles. If revved too high, or too low, things go horseshit and the eggs come out bad. Something like that ...

Either way, that was his prognosis - he recommended proceeding with IVF, indicating that our chances should be pretty good, and that cycles vary from one to another - perhaps our first failed attempt was just a bad cycle? Who knows, but we're proceeding, and fast ... my wife's period came this morning, so we are right in line to join the next group of IVF patients. She picked up a prescription for birth control and pre-natal vitamins. They took my blood (and I nearly passed out), and pee. Wife had an ultrasound, and gave blood and pee. We scheduled another semen analysis, and IVF "orientation" for next Monday. The cycle boils down as follows (ball park dates ... not at all precise):

• Between now and ~Feb. 10th: Wife on birth control. We conduct IVF orientation. My semen get analyzed (again)


• Feb. 10 - 13: No birth control. Holding pattern until ....


• Feb. 13: Start stimulant drugs (will provide more details in a future post, with precise details (something I have not been good at in past posts)


• Feb. 13 - Feb. 19: Administer stimulant drugs - aiming for 10 - 15 mature follicles (> 15 mm)


• Feb. 20: Harvest eggs and fertilize via ICSI


• Feb. 21: Receive fertilization report


• Feb. 25: Transfer embryos (Dr. MB prefers 5 day transfers, and limits number of embryos to 2 max)


• Mar. 9: Receive pregnancy results


• Mar. 10: Get really drunk by myself, or with my wife depending on outcome

So, it's going fast, but we talked about it, and we're ready. Wish us luck - as details emerge I'll post ... and I'll do my best to put up an exact, accurate schedule, and will include medications, doses, semen analysis numbers, etc. Want to ensure anyone else going through similar bullshit can have a reference point ...

Nothing new

In this, our month off, we've been having a lot more wine - and intercourse has gotten a lot better.

Appointment with the new Dr. on January 29th - until then it's going to be slow going, so apologies for the lapse in posting, but I don't want to bore anyone with commentary on work, or our dog. You didn't come here to read about that - you came to hear about infertility in all its glory! And unless I can deliver details on periods or IUIs or IVFs or laproscopies, I won't waste your time.

Back to work

It's been a while since my last post - took some time to enjoy the holidays, at home.

And I discarded a theory that not blogging about infertility would result in a pregnancy - our last cycle was a bust, just like all the others.

We met with Dr. M to discuss our next steps. He came out and told us that we are officially "unexplained infertiles" - he doesn't know why we're not getting pregnant. All signs indicate that we're normal in every way, except for 15 months of natural methods, a failed IVF cycle, cured endometriosis, 7 IUI cycles (3 medicated), etc. He said that all he would be able to offer is IVF. Sort of difficult to be back at the beginning of the circle.

We're going to take the next month off and move our efforts to a new clinic. This time it's purely for convenience. Since we began our treatment under Dr. M, we moved to a new house - the drive, combined with wintry Michigan weather makes for a huge inconvenience for my wife (she was driving there nearly every day during certain stretches of our most recent cycles, for ultrasounds and blood work) We're not sure which clinic we're going to go with yet, but it will be closer to home (around Birmingham, MI - recommendations anyone?). And we've pretty much agreed that we are going to proceed with IVF again. We're hoping that some insights can be pulled from our first failed cycle and the course for this round can be modified as required. Dr. M offered no real convincing words on what his clinic would do differently - we will miss meeting with him, and are regretful at abandoning his care - he is a fantastic Doctor.

Either way, it puts the new year in perspective. 2009 is going to be a crazy year ... and we hope that it will bring us some finality about our infertility situation. Money is not an issue for us anymore - we have sufficient funds to proceed with IVF ... and I think we've pretty much agreed to do so. I think we're going to look into the financial programs that guarantee results (the name of the program escapes me, but I have paperwork on it in our files - you pay for two cycles, but are promised three, and if they don't work, you get a large portion of your money back, something like that - if anyone reading this has experience with these programs, would love to hear about it)

So, by year's end we will either be pregnant, or will have completely moved on to adoption, or will have decided to steal a baby from somebody else. Either way, we will get as much closure on the topic as we can. I will toil away as a consultant to provide the financial means while my wife finishes her Masters Degree. This time next year I will have hung up this blog, or will have converted it to an adoption theme (so be sure to enjoy my crappy prose while you can, because time's winding down)

Best of luck to everyone who reads this - I hope you are parent or pregnant by year's end.